Bill: The first Thanksgiving was horrific.
[Music]
JoAnne: As Christmas would approach each year,
the dread would start.
[Music]
Shay: It's hard putting up stockings where it used
to be 3 and now it's 2.
[Music]
Lois: I used to say, “I wish I could go
to sleep the day before Thanksgiving
and wake up January 2nd.
I still wanted to live in the past and so I tried
to cook Thanksgiving dinner and
was trying to set the table and different things.
It just broke my heart.
One of my kids said to me, of last Christmas, "This is going
to be the worst Christmas ever."
I thought, "Whew, I hope so.
I hope they don't get any worse than this."
[Music]
Hi, I'm David and this is my wife, Nancy.
Like the people you just heard
from the holidays can be difficult for us as well.
We lost two of our children, Hope and Gabriel.
So we know what it's like to feel profound sadness during the
holiday season.
I remember when we sat down to take that first family photo
for a Christmas card after Hope's death,
and it was all I could do to smile
because I was intensely aware
that someone was missing and it hurt.
To this day David and I along with our son, Matt,
still hang five matching stockings every Christmas season and many
of our ornaments have pictures of Hope
and Gabriel reminding us of our loss.
We want you to know that what you are feeling right now is
normal and even though the holidays are painful
for you they can also bring healing.
It might not seem possible but the day will come
when you will be able to enjoy the holidays again.
We are so glad you are here, and we believe that by the end
of our time together today you'll be able to leave
with a sense of hope for the future.
Welcome to GriefShare Surviving the Holidays.
[Music]
[Male Narrator]: Welcome to GriefShare Surviving the Holidays.
Today you'll watch a video featuring the reflections
of people who have made it
through the holidays while dealing with grief.
After that you'll form a small group to talk
about your experiences and concerns.
To help you remember everything you'll hear
in the video we've prepared a holiday Survival Guide.
Use its note-taking sections to jot
down meaningful comments while you watch the video.
Each Survival Guide is also filled
with encouraging exercises, helpful suggestions
and wise insights to help you make it through the holidays.
After this session ends, you can use it each day
of the holiday season.
But for now turn to
the note-taking section on Page 3.
We're ready to begin.
Obviously the holidays can be an emotionally difficult time,
but why are they so discouraging?
One reason is that the time from Thanksgiving
through Christmas brings bittersweet memories to mind.
[Music]
When my dad was in the hospital for Christmas,
he died in January.
In the chapel of this hospital
it had been beautifully decorated
with poinsettias and it was a lovely gesture but it was
so associated with my father's death it took me
like 20 years before I could have a poinsettia in my house.
It was just too much.
She always had more
gifts than everybody else.
She was an educator and all
of her co-workers would give her gifts.
And so it was just interesting to see her opening what she had
and so it goes by quicker now.
My mother-in-law is real intent to cook foods
that she knew that my mom had cooked for me.
So one of the things that happens during the holidays it's
like I can smell my mother's cooking.
Through college and after I graduated high school I always
came home for Christmas. And I had my own bedroom
and my mom would always have sheets pulled back
and the room warmed up. The tree would be up
and the house would be decorated and it would just feel
like it was Christmas time,
but that Christmas there was no tree, my dad hadn't put
up any tree or anything like that.
The room was cold.
[Music]
JoAnne: We would hear Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.
The first one to grab the other person's nose because it goes
on to say, “Jack Frost nipping at your nose."
So, we'd sneak up behind the other person just
as the verse said that and grab their nose and it would be a lot
of fun and we'd have a little tussle with that.
And so the first time I heard that song after Jody died,
it was so painful because I could practically sense Jody
right there coming at me, but he wasn't there.
It was so sad.
[Male Narrator]: If you have children,
there's a potential for even more sadness during the holidays.
For practical information
to help your child survive the holiday season,
visit GriefShare.org/ holidays.
There you'll discover articles containing strategies
to help your children as they deal with the many changes
and challenges during the holidays.
I wish we could tell you that the holidays will be a breeze.
But no matter what you do during this season,
reminders of the person you lost will still be unavoidable.
Recognizing and accepting
that fact will actually help you get through the holidays.
I had to go to a store to get some food.
I walked in, you know, the parking lot was full.
It was just like I think it was like three days before Christmas,
and there were so many people and I saw this happiness,
all this hub bub, all this noise and music and blinking lights
and all these signs, "Merry Christmas,“ "Happy Holidays"
and stuff, that it totally overwhelmed me
and I had this feeling of anger.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs
and say, "How dare you be happy when my heart is breaking."
We like to use the analogy of this mobile that hangs
over a child's bed, baby's bed.
You take one of those pieces off it all gets out of balance.
Well, especially those initial holidays
everything is out of balance.
This isn't the way we usually did things
because that person normally did that.
Dr. Presson: When we accept that that's going to be a part of it,
when I accept that that's going to be a part of the territory,
then I'm less likely to be shocked, I'm less likely
to be blindsided. Now that doesn't mean
being pessimistic and fatalistic.
It means just being realistic that there are going
to be features and there are going
to be moments that are difficult.
Instead of accepting that Christmas will be difficult,
some people pretend nothing is wrong
so others will think they are doing well.
Nancy: But disguising your grief will prevent you
from getting the help you need.
Susan: I can remember at Thanksgiving
being there with my family
and wanting to cry and not wanting
to mess everything up for everybody else
and holding my tears and somehow I wish
that probably I had just cried and let everybody else cry
and us get over it and just go on.
H. Norman Wright: What really helps more
than anything else is to be very honest
when people ask, “How are you doing?“
You say, “I'm struggling." “I'm having a difficult time."
David: While it's important to be honest about how you're feeling
as Dr. Presson explains it's equally important
for you to be selective about who you open
up to and when you do it.
Dr. Presson: I don't think that authenticity necessarily means
that we wear our hearts on our sleeves everywhere we go.
I think there are times that we need
to consider is this the place, is this the situation
that is appropriate for me to open up
or emotionally break down?
The workplace, for example,
may not be the best place to do that.
You also need to consider can this person
handle what I might share.
In addition to avoiding or ignoring pain, many people try
to numb it. But that response is an ineffective way of dealing
with the holiday season.
Once you are done with your drug of choice be it narcotics,
alcohol, sex or even shopping, your pain will still be waiting
for you only then you'll be dealing with the pain
of the holidays and the consequences
of numbing your pain.
David: If your efforts to numb yourself are carried
to the extreme, you could end up with a lot of debt,
an unwanted pregnancy or perhaps a physical injury all topped off
with a lot of guilt and shame.
Nancy: To avoid painful consequences like these,
you need to learn healthy ways of dealing with your hurt.
David: However, some of you may experience
such intense pain during the holidays
that you think suicide is the only way to escape.
If that's how you feel, it's essential that you reach
out for help rig ht away.
Dr. Smeenge: There's a big difference in
being okay with dying like a lot
of people who are grieving feel like, "I'd just like to die,“
and having a plan and a real serious intent that I'm going
to do something about ending my life.
If a person gets to the point where they are feeling suicidal,
not just it would be okay for me to die but I'm really intent
on dying, I'm going to have a plan,
I'm going to carry that out.
That's irrational, that's unhealthy,
that's unscriptural that's not okay and you need
to get help immediately.
[Music]
Lois: I think it's really important to have a plan for the holidays
because if not I think the
routine things that you have
to do during that time,
the shopping, the cooking,
all of those things they're overwhelming
when life is good and pain free.
I mean we all talk about the stress of the holidays.
So if you're dealing with pain and loss and the emotions
that are going to come up that you can't even really
anticipate, you have to have a plan
to get those other things done and to plan in the things
that you hope are going to help you have a better holiday
than you did the year before.
I'm not suggesting that we eliminate spontaneity,
I'm just saying that we make some plans that stay flexible.
Nancy: We can't emphasize this enough creating a holiday plan
is one of the smartest steps you can take
to survive the holiday season.
David: Here's advice on how to develop your plan.
Susan: What's helpful to a lot of people is to make a list
of all the activities and events that are typically part of,
for example, Christmas.
Office parties, Christmas cookies, decorating the outside
of the house, decorating the inside of the house,
how many people do you buy presents for?
All that stuff, make a list of every single thing
that is associated with Christmas and then go
over each one and say, “Okay, do I need this for it to feel
like Christmas or can I just let this one go?"
Do I really not care about it that much really now
that my loved one is gone?
But if I do feel like this is Christmas, can I do this
by myself or do I need to ask other people to help me?
Or do I need to ask somebody to do it for me?
Or do I say, “This is not the year to do it
but maybe I'll revisit it in another year.
It's too much right now."
And you can kind of rank the things
that you really want to keep.
David: Planning helps you know what
to expect during the holiday season and knowing what
to expect helps you avoid emotional ambushes.
Dr. DeVries: One thing you ought to do is kind of replay
in your own mind well ahead of time what
that family tradition almost always involved
so that you are expecting these things to happen.
So if your aunt always comes with a banana cream pie
and she's not the one coming this year because she died,
the fact that somebody else may bring a banana cream pie may
really sort of trigger some emotion for you.
For some holiday planning leads
to the creation of new traditions.
Jodi: One of the things that I did that was,
that I loved was having parties at my house.
I would invite people for Easter and Thanksgiving
and Christmastime and it was very overwhelming the years
that I had lost many people.
What I decided to do was still have the party
but just change the way that I did it.
Instead of me being the one
who prepared the whole entire meal what I did was make it
easier on myself and ask my family members to bring things
so that it wasn't so overwhelming for me.
Steve and I were big football fans.
So after he passed away I joined a free fantasy football
league online.
And so on Thanksgiving Day I would fix the Thanksgiving meal
for myself and watch football.
We decided that we would come together and have a celebration
in honor of her, and we would all open the gifts
that we had purchased for her
and as we opened the gifts we all tried to do an imitation
of her and try to react as she would
when she would open the gift, and we had such a great time.
I found that making the holiday visit either just before
the holiday or after the holiday made for a much better visit.
From a practical standpoint I didn't have
to fight the holiday traffic and so
from the start I was more relaxed.
Once I got there we didn't have all the circus atmosphere,
I was able to actually have a conversation
without all the noise in the background
and it worked much better.
I usually light a candle and we put it
in the living room window and that reminds me
that his life is still burning on.
Every year my husband would give me something special
at Christmas.
And so when I would wake up
Christmas morning there would be a present in my stocking
and so right after he died, 6 months after he passed,
I decided to make my own self a special surprise.
So I went to the jeweler that he
normally would buy jewelry for me.
I had them make a special ring for me
that would signify what grief really felt like and so
that Christmas morning right after he died I went
to my stocking and I told the jeweler not to show me the ring
at all and so I had wrapped it up for myself and so
that Christmas morning I opened it up and found the ring
that I had them design for me.
It was up and down the roller coaster ride of grief.
One of the new traditions that my sister
and my mom developed was instead
of finding a beautiful Christmas tree,
which was always a real high priority with my dad,
they decided that was too painful.
So they went on Christmas Eve Day
and brought home a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like they said, “Give me the ugliest tree on the lot."
And then we would all decorate it and it would look crazy
to the point that my sister's girlfriends would come
around every year to see how bad the tree was,
but if we had just tried to pretend
that everything was the same and just keep
on doing everything I think it would have been ashes
in our mouth.
We just couldn't do it.
[Music]
Omar: When you're grieving, it's difficult
to establish new traditions and
new ways of experiencing the holidays.
You don't really want to try something new during that time.
In fact, you're going
to probably experience a few holidays where you're wanting
to do the same thing that you've done
because it gives you a sense of, "This was the experience
that I had when this person was in my life, I feel comfortable
with that." And so a lot of times it can create a conflict
because, again, the thing that you are accustomed
to doing is also the thing that's causing you pain
and to jettison those things too quickly would probably be
more painful.
And so I think we've got to loosen little
by little our grip on what used to be.
Some people may feel guilty about creating new traditions.
They might be afraid that new plans and activities suggest
that they've forgotten about the person who died
or that they were eager to leave behind their loved one's
holiday preferences.
Dave: There's a sense in which you don't want to have too much fun.
You don't want to enjoy life too much.
It's silly but that's how we think sometimes.
There's a difference between
moving on and moving forward
because moving on suggests that
you're leaving something behind.
Moving forward is that you're taking something with you.
I think people get that confused, that life goes on sounds
like a very callous thing. But life does continue
but you can continue with life but with that love
and those times that you had with that person.
Some of you may have tried planning
and prioritizing your holiday activities before and found
that it didn't help you.
You were still miserable.
And that's okay.
When it comes to surviving the holidays,
you probably won't get it right the first time.
You probably won't get it right the first time.
Finding what works best for you may require some trial
and error.
Dr. DeVries: Even though we talk about making plans
and setting some priorities and pacing yourself, there's also
to make sure you hold them very lightly.
You never can anticipate everything that's going
to happen and you really can't always anticipate what your
emotional response is going to be even to that
which you have planned.
It's like an experiment.
[Laughter] That's the best way I can describe it.
Because you may not feel the same way today,
you may have a different mood tomorrow.
When you're planning it, you may have a very good mood
and motivation for planning it
but when the day comes you may not feel that motivated.
But it's a trial and error type of situation.
But just give yourself the chance of trying something new
and then you will find out and traditions are not set in stone.
I don't have to do this just for the sake
of doing it if I don't enjoy it.
That's why traditions change.
And, so I think like anything else during the grieving process
you set your mind on what might happen, you make your plans
but then you always in your own mind reserve the right
to alter them, to scuttle them, to change them a little bit.
[Music]
Sheila: It was the first Christmas
after my husband passed, my family does a family reunion,
and I was really worried about going to that.
I thought people were going to say, you know,
“How are you doing?“ Or, you know, "What's it like?" Or whatever.
And there was none of that.
There was no mention of my husband's name.
I mean it was like, it almost felt
like they were avoiding things.
Nancy: Unfortunately, Shelia isn't alone.
Many people are surprised by how unwilling their friends
and family are to discuss their deceased loved ones.
David: But most of the time your friends and family aren't trying
to be rude, they just don't want to upset you.
Sometimes I think the other family members are looking
to us, the grieving individual for guidance
because they don't know what to do. And so it's so important
to let them know, “Please talk about Uncle Fred
and mention his name when you talk about him."
So give them a little bit of guidance.
Dr. DeVries: But you devise a plan, either a verbal plan
or even a symbolic plan, to say, “I want to recognize the fact
that he or she is not here.
I brought this candle along, I'd like to be able
to light this candle as a family in memory of my deceased husband
or wife and we'll just let that bum
for the day while we're here."
[Music]
Nancy: During the holidays, some people will invite you
to Christmas parties or other holiday events.
If you're emotionally fragile,
those interactions can be stressful.
Here's advice to help you plan responses
to those inevitable invitations.
Dr. Smeenge: When you get invitations, it's really difficult sometimes
to evaluate, "Do I want to go or not? Maybe I'll just say no."
Perhaps there's another option.
You might want to think
about saying, "Can you just hold my invitation lightly.
I'm planning on coming but it may change that day."
because grieving people change several
times during a day often.
The day may start out well and something may happen
that just throws you for a loop and you're having a grief burst
and you're not in a mood to go.
It is okay to say, "I'm going to give you a tentative yes."
Don't commit to that party just because you want
to please someone or just to make them feel better.
Just be honest and say, "You know I'm still in the process,
some good days, some not so good so I'll let you know."
David: If you venture out to a party or drop
by to visit someone during the holidays, give thought
to how you'll handle questions about how you're doing.
Also give thought to how you'll respond to prying questions.
Omar: You probably want to have a few things sort
of scripted beforehand that you're going
to say the same thing to everybody when they ask.
Have a, some sort of sense of how much you want to disclose
and how much you don't want to share and disclose.
If we don't have that, then we can sort of flounder
and that can make us feel anxious and awkward
and now we're sharing more than what we, than we want to share
and then we feel pressured to answer people's questions.
Dr. Presson: It's not being impolite
to say, “I really appreciate your interest and your concern,
but I just really rather not talk about it."
And then you shift the subject,
you change the subject
by shifting the focus onto them simply
by asking them a question.
“Hey, Sam, isn't your daughter playing soccer
for Summit High School?"
And you shift the focus by changing the topic
but it being something that they would be interested in.
[Music]
Nancy: Here's one more piece of advice.
It's a good idea to have an exit plan or an approach
to temporarily excuse yourself
from holiday events and gatherings.
A few rules that I always followed for myself that worked
out great is I never took a ride with anybody.
I always drove myself so I could leave whenever I wanted to.
That gave me a sense of security like I don't have to stay.
If I walk in and it doesn't go well, I can be out the door.
And the other thing is not to have very high expectations
for myself to say, “Okay, I'm going to go with the goal first
of just staying a half an hour and if I make it, I can leave
and go great, you did it."
Things start to get a little bit too tough for you,
I really encourage you to say to the rest of your family,
“Excuse me, I'm going to take a little break
from this now.
It's really pretty difficult for me at this moment in time.
Just give me an hour or two I may come back and become part
of it." But I think the whole idea
of making sure you leave yourself an out is important.
When we got to the point that one of us was
at a point where their getting ready to break down
or their not holding it together anymore
or the dam that's holding the tears back is getting ready
to burst we would communicate that and we would leave.
One of us will look at the other saying, “I've got
to go home, I've got to go now.
I'm done, I'm finished, let's go."
Donna:The first Christmas was a blur.
It was probably the most difficult Christmas I can ever
remember in my life.
It was even more difficult
than the first Christmas after my dad.
The second Christmas was a little bit easier
than the first.
I don't know what the third Christmas is going
to be like yet.
It really does take time.
For me that first year was almost overwhelming,
but I did get through it.
The second year was the worst actually.
The second Christmas I didn't want to decorate at all
because my heart was still hurting and I wanted her
to be there and I knew that she could never be there again.
And the third year as it approached I thought, "Well,
certainly, by this time I should be able to just, you know,
it won't be too bad." And then after Thanksgiving
as Christmas is getting closer and I get this horrible feeling
of dread and, “Oh, my goodness,
I feel like I'm getting sucked under again."
The third Christmas I just went through. It was wonderful.
It was wonderful.
[Music]
I got my grandchildren over to help me decorate the trees,
I changed it a little bit because my wife always had
to have a real Christmas tree.
I didn't like that.
[Laughter] I didn't want to do it;
I don't like putting the lights on them.
[Laughter] So I decided, well, I could do a little bit about what I want now.
[Music]
So I bought me an artificial tree.
I enjoyed it so much that I didn't want to take it down.
By the fourth year I was doing a lot better.
I was doing a lot better and I could put some decorations
up in the house and enjoy doing that a little bit.
I couldn't do that at all before.
Other people's grief may be different.
Maybe that second year they're ready to put up the tree,
decorate everything the way they used to do, go caroling.
Well that's fine but if that's not where you're at,
that's perfectly okay.
I've often heard people say, "The second year
or the third year was harder.
I thought the first year was going to be the hardest.“
And I think sometimes as they sort of unpack that they realize
that either because of the timing
or the circumstances there were things that were happening
that were keeping them from fully feeling those experiences
and those feelings during the first year and then
in the second year sometimes even in the third year they feel
that more fully because maybe the circumstances have changed
not just because they've slowed down
and they can feel it but maybe
in the second or third year the financial situation has changed
and become more difficult.
Zoricelis: The first time I still can't believe it.
The second time it's a reality.
It's there.
I am forced to face my situation.
It is normal because grief doesn't have sort of a statute
of limitations.
So it's going to be okay if you don't put
up a tree this year and maybe you wait until next year
or if you decide you want to do that
but don't overwhelm yourself by things that are simply tradition
if you don't feel up to it.
Dr. Fullwood: People who are hurting need to find additional ways
to shift their focus to get their minds,
to get your mind off of the pain and off of the disappointment.
One of the ways you can do that almost immediately is
to focus on other people.
The blessing of serving other people
at Christmas was a surprise to me because I've had a series
of losses and a lot of times loss can make us
very self-centered.
When we hurt, we think about ourselves.
I make sure I contact other
people maybe before the holidays
or during the holidays.
And just try to do what I can,you know,
maybe just a phone call.
The times that I felt so
low and so lonely and help came
at just the right time
and if I can be that same gift
to somebody else, what a blessing that is to me.
There's another relationship that's more important
than any we have talked about so far in this video.
It's your relationship with God.
If you already have a relationship with Him,
then the holidays are an opportunity to grow closer to
or learn more about Him.
One of the best ways to do this is to talk to God
about the difficulties you're facing and read the Bible
to see what He has to say about your situation.
It's like we have to confront grief face-to-face and say
to it, “You are a pain in my life, but I can get
through the pain with the Lord's help.
Because I can take refuge in my God.
Just being able to talk to God
about what I'm feeling
helps me because I can come out
and then be ready for the social scene whatever it is.
It carries me like after the prayer is
over I feel a lighter feeling
that I'm being carried emotionally through that,
through the situation whatever it is.
I don't have to really be thinking about it anymore
because I've let it go in the prayer.
And I am deeply persuaded
that you ultimately deal
with painful realities only one way
you deal with them vertically.
[Music]
Dr. Tripp: Believing that this pain
isn't a sign that He's turned His back
on me, this pain is a sign that I still live in a broken world,
but God's with me and all that just says to me
that I wasn't hard wired to live this life by myself.
I was created for dependency primarily dependency upon God.
Zoricelis: I can take refuge in,
“Lord I need peace from you right now
because the pain is unbearable.“
And you will experience God's peace.
There is no doubt the first year's,
several years especially during the holidays
around Christmastime God and the strength
of the church brought to me was my rock.
Your family will let you down, your friends
and your co-workers will let you down,
and even people from your church will let you down.
But even the times that you feel most alone God is there.
Now, don't expect it to be automatic like pushing a button.
What is important here is that you pour out your heart
to the Lord, “And Lord, I'm going to pour out my heart to you.
I'm in pain, I'm in suffering,
I don't understand why this happened,
I cannot give any explanation but I need You, You are my lifeline."
[Music]
[Female Narrator]: Josie's 31 -year old son, Bryan,
died in a car accident a few nights before Thanksgiving.
After struggling to make it
through that initial holiday season, Josie discovered
that she still had reasons to be thankful
and celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Josie: That year was my, had been my 60th birthday.
So I was so happy and excited and stuff
that I started writing. Making a list
of all of the blessings that I had in my life,
and so every night before I go to bed I would fill
in that list, and by the time
that Bryan died, my birthday was November 15th,
he died November 21 st, six days later.
But by the time that he died I had
about 70 items on my list.
Several months went by and then one day I opened the drawer
and I see that list and I sat by my bedside
and I started reading the list of all the things and I realized
that I had been focusing on the wrong thing.
I had been focusing on what I didn't have anymore.
But I needed to change and start
realizing all the blessings that I had.
Every breath we take is a gift from God.
Okay. We take so much for granted like our sight,
our hearing, the fact that we are able to move and talk
and that we, you know, we have a clear mind.
And obviously grateful for my son,
grateful for my husband, grateful for my job.
There are so many things that we take so much for granted.
David: Josie experienced God's comfort as she reminded herself
of the blessings she still had despite her son's tragic death.
Nancy: Even if you can't think of one earthly possession
or relationship to be thankful for, you can always be thankful
for what Christmas reminds us of.
[Music]
When we celebrate Christmas,
we are not just celebrating Christ's birth or His coming
into the world, but we're celebrating the reason
that He came and the result.
If there weren't pain, suffering, sin, destruction,
discouragement and death, there would be no need for Christmas.
This holiday is about suffering, this holiday is about pain.
Now what we've done, and it's right to do that,
we've made this a holiday of celebration
because we celebrate the coming of the Messiah,
but in so doing we forget why He came.
He came to end suffering, He came to end death,
He came to end sin and brokenness and pain
and destruction and discouragement
and so this is the sufferer's holiday rather than the holiday
to be avoided, I ought to run toward Christmas.
When Jesus came to earth as a little baby
that we celebrate at Christmas,
really what it was saying was God says the battle is on.
The things that have messed up life for everyone on earth,
the sin, the evil, the suffering, the pain, the loss,
all those things that have just infested
and plagued every person on earth God was saying, "I am here
to do something about it."
What Christmas tells me is there's hope for people like me
that are going through what I'm going through.
Christmas guarantees that God has, will and will continue
to address what I'm going through.
[Female Narrator]: What an encouraging truth.
Christmas is the sufferer's holiday.
So while you may not want to put up a tree, go shopping
or attend parties, Christmas reminds us that we can rest
in God's awareness of our pain and His plan
to end all suffering, but there's more to His plan
than simply putting an end to grief and sorrow.
The Bible tells us that Jesus came to save us
from suffering the consequences of our sin, our bad thoughts,
disobedience and even our tendency
to love good things too much.
In fact, that's why God told Joseph he should name his
son Jesus.
[Music]
Now let's say someone has a Christmas gift for you
and leaves it at a mutual friend's house
for you to pick up.
Even though the gift is yours, you won't have it, won't be able
to use it or benefit from it until you pick it up
and claim it as your own.
And the same thing is true when it comes
to the forgiveness God offers you.
It's yours.
You simply have to receive it by faith.
To receive it by faith means you must believe
and completely trust that Jesus lived and then died on the cross
to pay the penalty for your sin.
It also means that you believe that He rose from the dead
and that He has the authority to direct your life.
Do you believe those things are true?
Then God's gift of forgiveness is yours.
Let's take a moment to pray thanking God
for His wonderful gift.
Just bow your head and repeat this short prayer silently
to yourself.
God, thank you for caring about me.
And thank you for sending Jesus to die
on the cross for my sin.
I believe Christ died for me, that He rose from the grave
and that He has the authority to direct my life.
Please comfort me as I grieve
and show me how to be more like You.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
To learn more about what it means to receive the gift
of forgiveness talk with your group leader or a pastor
of the church hosting this Surviving the Holiday's event.
They'll be glad to answer any question you have
or tell you what to do next if you've just received God's gift
of forgiveness for the first time.
Earlier in this program, we explained
that others can help you heal from your grief and hopefully
in some small way you've experienced
that through the information presented in this video.
We want to give you the opportunity
to experience how helpful it is to interact
with others about your loss.
In a few minutes, you'll participate
in a group discussion about the information you've just seen
and how it applies to your life.
You'll probably identify with and learn from the other people
who are a part of this group.
Please relax.
There's no requirement for you to talk if you don't want to.
You won't be put on the spot,
but hearing how others are dealing
with their grief can help you.
And if you are able to share a bit
about what you're experiencing, you'll find that others
in the group will understand and relate
and that they want to encourage you.
What we've shared today is designed
to help you handle the holidays, but everyone knows
that grief isn't a seasonal issue.
When the holidays end, you'll still be faced
with the reality of your loss.
So before we go and you break into groups,
we want to tell you about GriefShare.
[Male Narrator]: GriefShare is a support group ministry
that helps people heal from the pain of grief.
The GriefShare video seminars, workbook exercises
and small group discussions give participants encouragement,
useful advice and hope.
GriefShare is the ideal setting for you to find comfort
and make sense of your suffering.
Bill:The GriefShare videos are excellent.
The videos strengthened me.
It's a freeing kind of thing to be able
to talk about your loss.
Karen: My workbook helped me
to unravel the feelings I was going through.
[Male Narrator]: If you benefited from today's
Surviving the Holidays session,
strongly consider finding and joining a GriefShare group
and remember no matter how long ago you lost your loved one,
you're always welcome at GriefShare.
Karen: There was such a void until I got into GriefShare.
Susan: I never really healed down deep
until I came to GriefShare.
George: GriefShare brought me out of my sadness.
[Male Narrator]: After the death of a loved one you might
believe you'll never smile again, but there is hope.
Continue your journey from mourning to joy at GriefShare.
We hope you decide to give GriefShare a try.
Your host will tell you more about this amazing program.
Thanks again for joining us today.
We trust you've learned strategies
that will help you survive and perhaps even find a little joy
in the coming holiday season and now may God bless you,
your family and your future.